I know plenty of self-proclaimed “Buddhists” who think that Zen just means pretending to be happy all the time and buying lots of books and statues. There’s a lot of nonsense in this world. There are more bullshitters than there are egoless folk, actually. Just think about how the world operates nowadays; its gears are greed and vanity. People consume all day and never think to look within.
And so, when someone sees a projection of what Zen is on a screen, they jump on it like they jump on every other product on the shelves. People are drawn to spirituality because it is often sold to them in the same way as deodorant, Coke, or drugs are sold to them. “This will help you,” someone says. And yet the whole point of Zen is that it is nothing. It is to abandon concepts of helpful and unhelpful, good and bad, worthy and unworthy.
You should stop worrying so much about being Zen and start actually embracing the philosophy itself. Abandon concepts. After you have gotten the hint of a teaching, throw it away. Once you’ve gotten the crux of this book, feel free to burn it. There’s no point in dwelling on that which you can transcend.
Don’t conceptualize Zen philosophy; once you’ve read it and understand it, you can throw it away and practice it on your own. These writings are only meant to be a springboard.