Ever get home after a long day of conversing with people and standing in lines or crowds, and just relax by yourself, enjoying every minute of it? It's a beautiful thing, and it should happen more often. From a very young age, we're taught the importance of fitting in socially and conforming, and there is some value to it. But too much of that puts our individuality and creativity at risk. If the entire world population was just one huge homogenized group, and everyone 'fit in' perfectly, life wouldn't be very interesting. Solitude is valuable because it cultivates independent uniqueness. After all, that's what makes us interesting to other people in the first place.
Sometimes, solitude is equated with loneliness. This isn't the case at all. Really, solitude is the practice of living above loneliness. If we cannot live comfortably without other people when we're alone, we're staking our happiness and livelihood on those people. It's a better idea to work on self-reliance while still appreciating the people around you. Go on a walk, sit and read, have a cup of tea out on the porch. The better you know yourself, the better you'll know what you're really looking for in other people.
I've always appreciated the term "square peg in a round hole". It shows the value of being oneself, and of not conforming to a group's rules or ideas. Think about it: a square peg doesn't fit in a round hole. If you want to fit a square peg in a round hole, you have to shave the edges off, removing integral parts of what made up the square peg's identity. If we try too hard to fit in, we sacrifice genuine aspects of our personality that are far more valuable than any prescribed values of a group could be. Try to remember that.
If you ever feel loneliness instead of solitude, as yourself a few questions.
-Why does being alone make you feel negative?
-Who would you rather be with?
-What makes these people valuable to you?
-What would you have to change about yourself to be able to rely on these people and expect the same in return?
-Is it worth it?
Sometimes, the answer to the last question is no. When we have to give up a part of ourselves to be socially accepted, it's usually not worth it. If we're okay with ourselves, solitude is a luxury, not an insecurity.
This is pretty old-school advice, but try to find people who appreciate you for who you are rather than how much you mirror them. In turn, try not to judge people on their appearances or qualities of sameness, but instead by how you feel when you're around them. If we can feel comfortable with solitude, we'll feel comfortable in a group without having to sacrifice ourselves for that comfort.
